Friday, May 11, 2012

If I were to run for Colorado governor

I’d lose in a landslide, because my platform would be:

  1. Free healthcare for everyone except the rich (ETR)
  2. State pension for everyone ETR
  3. Free ETR high-speed rail everywhere
  4. Good cops
  5. No doofuses on the bench
  6. No religion in state government and no hidden subsidies for churches
  7. A fence around El Paso County (with some way of letting good people out — and in, if they insist). Garden of the Gods would be accessible, however.
  8. Gay marriage
  9. No state- or city-level war on drugs, alcohol, porn, prostitution, or any other victimless crimes, and no cooperation with the Feds for the same
  10. Lots of money for education
  11. No subsidies for sports, and no encouragement, either
  12. A very progressive tax system
  13. No guns for anyone at all anywhere, any time. That includes the police. No Tazers, either.
  14. Foreign investors will be encouraged. The pitch will be that it’s true that the US is an insane and dangerous place, but Colorado is the exception. “Move your business to the safe, non-crazy state! Corporate refugees from California, Texas, and other crazy states are also encouraged to move here. Immigrants from anywhere are urged to have themselves surgically sterilized before moving. Also, bring water.”
  15. The rich identified by a scarlet R on their foreheads
  16. Proper use of English is encouraged. The governor determines what’s proper.

I’m sure there’d be more. That’s for starters.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laughs.

@4Moronyears - daily political gaffes. Simple and to the point.

crest whitening strips said...

Ha ha I get the distinct impression that you have something against the rich!! And I know it's not politically correct but I would also ban gay marriage