Monday, September 03, 2007

Loitering Gentlemen

Car 54! Car 54! Check out report of gentleman loitering in front of liquor store. ...

I'm watching the evening news on Channel 2 in Denver, and they said that a gentleman was reported loitering in front of a liquor store in a scuzzy neighborhood. Said gentleman approached a customer, asking for money. Words were exchanged. Gentleman stabbed customer and ran away. Gentleman was later found hiding in a dumpster.

Gentleman?!

"Sir, I must apologize for addressing you even though we have not been properly introduced. I wonder if you could advance me a small loan -- What? You would, would you? Sir, you leave me no alternative but to draw my knife and stab you. Hah! There! Take that, sir! And now, I take my leave. I bid you good day, sir. You have my card. I shall be in my dumpster. Harrumph."

17 comments:

Chris said...

Egad -- how DOES one get bloodstains out of one's spats?

David said...

I have yet to come across a good solution!

I should have added, at the end of that imaginary dialogue: "I shall be in my dumpster."

Chris said...

Oh, it's a shame you didn't! Of course, as far as parting lines go, it's hard to beat "Harrumph."

And "good solution"? Youch. You're quite the comedian today, it seems. I guess deadlines will do that to you...

David said...

Thanks to the magic of technology, that line is now included.

Chris said...

God, if only that technology existed in fiction -- I'd never finish tweaking a story.

Upon reflection, mayhap I would. It seems to me little good comes from directots revisiting their classics (Lucas and Spielberg, I'm looking in your direction...)

Chris said...

That would be "directors". See? I just can't help it.

David said...

It would be nice if one could change one's comments on blogs. I often reread mine and cringe.

I remember reading that someone caught Picasso trying to change one of his own drawings -- at a party at a mansion whose owner had bought the painting and hung it on a wall years earlier.

I think I can understand the feeling. He was at the party, paused to glance at his drawing, and thought, "Oh, no! Why did I do it that way? I HAVE to fix it!"

Jenn said...

FOr years they've used the phrase Gentleman start your engines at NASCAR races.

Not sure it applies there either, but at least the drivers aren't criminals, unlike a good many NFL player.

David said...

Welcome, jenn.

Hmm, NASCAR. That is an odd usage, isn't it? But I guess it's no worse than addressing a gathering as "Ladies and Gentlemen" when you know that a goodly percentage of them are bound to be neither.

Chris said...

"Ladies and Gentlemen" is such an obviously false manner of addressing the crowd of a populist pasttime that I wonder if it is not purposely so. I could easily imagine a minstrel addressing a crowd of peasants as "Ladies and Gentlemen" to get the hoots, hollers, and cheers he's looking for. Perhaps you should dust off the less catchy "David's Folk Etymology" and get to digging!

David said...

chris, interesting thought. I've never wondered before this where that odd usage comes from.

David said...

That reminds me. I think I must be behind on posting those definitions. Gotta check.

Kristen said...

One can edit one's comments by copying said comment, trashing the original comment, pasting the copied comment into a new comment box, editing it to one's liking, and reposting.

I bid you good day.

David said...

Quite true, Madam. Sadly, doing causes Blogger to display the tell tale legend, "Comment deleted by Mr. X."

Would it not be far better if one could change the contents of the comment itself, leaving no embarrassing sign that one had written hastily or thoughtlessly or gracelessly or -- Heaven forbid! -- impolitely?

Kristen said...

Naturally. However, the inability to do so has the added bonus of causing other comment-ers to wonder thus, "What DID Sir/Madam suchandsuch delete? Why, I'll bet it was something sinful!"

David said...

Oh, I say! Jolly good!

Anonymous said...

Do You interesting how to [b]Buy Viagra in Canada[/b]? You can find below...
[size=10]>>>[url=http://listita.info/go.php?sid=1][b]Buy Viagra in Canada[/b][/url]<<<[/size]

[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/1_valentine3.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/1_valentine3.png[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.png[/IMG][/URL]
[b]Bonus Policy[/b]
Order 3 or more products and get free Regular Airmail shipping!
Free Regular Airmail shipping for orders starting with $200.00!

Free insurance (guaranteed reshipment if delivery failed) for orders starting with $300.00!
[b]Description[/b]

Generic Viagra (sildenafil citrate; brand names include: Aphrodil / Edegra / Erasmo / Penegra / Revatio / Supra / Zwagra) is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction regardless of the cause or duration of the problem or the age of the patient.
Sildenafil Citrate is the active ingredient used to treat erectile dysfunction (impotence) in men. It can help men who have erectile dysfunction get and sustain an erection when they are sexually excited.
Generic Viagra is manufactured in accordance with World Health Organization standards and guidelines (WHO-GMP). Also you can find on our sites.
Generic Viagra is made with thorough reverse engineering for the sildenafil citrate molecule - a totally different process of making sildenafil and its reaction. That is why it takes effect in 15 minutes compared to other drugs which take 30-40 minutes to take effect.
[b][/b]
Even in the most sexually liberated and self-satisfied of nations, many people still yearn to burn more, to feel ready for bedding no matter what the clock says and to desire their partner of 23 years as much as they did when their love was brand new.
The market is saturated with books on how to revive a flagging libido or spice up monotonous sex, and sex therapists say “lack of desire” is one of the most common complaints they hear from patients, particularly women.